you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
...so i touched it.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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