I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You need Xanax blowdarts
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
