I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
