I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
