Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
