I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
