Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
