i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
