It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
