Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
