That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
