Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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