What a fucking waste of an outfit
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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