Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
