One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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