3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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