I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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