My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
