i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Less talking, more tequila
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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