Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
