Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
