at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
