I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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