It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize