Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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