...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
