just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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