Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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