we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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