Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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