If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He felt like a one man threesome
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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