I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
