I think i peed on brittanys purse
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize