fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
