12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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