Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize