you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
