why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
