It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
