i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
