Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
