My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That accounts for only three of the penises
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
