Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
