I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
