Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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