but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
