I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
