It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
