No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
