She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
