At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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