i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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