sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize