Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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