I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
no you cant smoke seaweed
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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