just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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