can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Randomize
