I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
