you would pick up someone in the library
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dignity is for republicans.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
