hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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