I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
