Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
God, I missed his penis.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
